Pecos River end of November


Wild dream last night while the wind whistled over the tin roof, perhaps too much Ray Bradbury before bed but I dreamt I was a luminous shapeshifting creature in human form, a young woman of tired dignity, wearing green.

There was a dark pool of warm water and I swam elusive mutual circles with a man, whose face I could not see. And then there were adversaries I had to physically fight, and when taunted I was haughty and frightening with a thunderous voice told one jealous smirking dark-haired girl whose face I saw but it is no one I recognize

"I have kissed his skin with the sweat of stars!"

And when asked why not fight in my true form, which I disclosed was the size of an 18th Century two-story brick schoolhouse but too radiant for a human to comprehend, I said I could only appear and love or battle to my opponents' abilities.

I then walked eleven miles and the battle was more like a street rumble with adolescents who wanted me to disclose the location of a turquoise mine.

I won and wept for being so alone and then awoke because the cat whispered in my ear.

I have some awesome dreams.


Busy day today-- homeschool, trip to the dump & post-office, wood to buck, big chunks of beef to cook... it's nice to have a portable computer (I guess this thing is called a laptop, although it rests on the table).

Dawn was slow coming and the world was white with frost. It takes the sun a long time to climb over the steep canyon wall but when it does the temperature rises 40 degrees in about half an hour.

Time for a riverside walk.


New Journey

Here I can go again, vaulting into the unknown and whistling a little tune as I go that sounds very much like the rhythm line in the Dr Who theme song.

We've lived in some beautiful places-- Oregon, California, New Mexico, and now we're headed to Washington and when I say we I mean the three of us, my husband and son and yours truly, and when I say Washington I mean the Pacific Northwest state.

Living in Oregon and making our home there feels like a waking dream sometimes, bits and pieces I loved about myself that feel lost forever like raindrops in a river. And then Mariposa, in California, where probably we could have lived if it hadn't been California. Then Santa Fe, NM, a truly unique city, and I am thankful for the opportunities it has provided. But this little cabin on the Pecos River has been my favorite home so far.

I lost myself for a while. It was painful, and not just for me. My philosophy hasn't changed but I feel more able to apply it to me now. So much time and effort and work to discover it's okay to change. Those two sentences sound like a paradox. Nostalgia is a sickness. Can't step into the same river twice. I felt for a few years like I were drowning, and in a way I did. Re-discovering me has been very good.

The walks along the river with my boy and the dogs and the cat, those I do treasure. It's the big Pecos Wilderness wild woods yet feels so comforting, wind sighing in the trees, the water sliding and tumbling over the rocks, all the clean air high mountain smells of fresh water, pines, riparian woodlands. We have names for the spots along the river, The Drop-off, The Point, The Oaks. Our path connects them through the alders, wild roses, willows, oaks, maples, cottonwoods, firs & pines. D's Tree is at the Drop-off. I think we identified it as a hop-hornbeam. He likes to climb up into the branches, which form a tight cradle around him. It's too small for me to climb.

We'll be leaving this wonderful place soon, and I am both treasuring the things I love and also distancing myself from it, which is not always the easiest compromise of emotions. Our future adventures will take us to other rivers-- not just any river, but the Columbia River-- and I am looking forward to being close to the Pacific Ocean again.  I will miss this mountain home, but I don't want to miss this opportunity to move back to the Pacific NW. It... feels like we're going home.