People complain about all those socks they lose in the clothes dryer and I just wanted to confess something. I have them all.

I don't buy any clothes made out of artificial materials, nothing nylon, nothing polyester, nothing that requires ironing drycleaning handwashing bleaching or washing with like colors. If it shrinks when I run it through the washer and dryer I laugh because I buy everything second-hand and probably I didn't pay more than five dollars for it and fuck that article of clothing, it takes more time than I care to spend on somthing that will just get dirty. I buy expensive sheets and that's all that matters in the long run.

So when I do laundry I don't keep track of specifics; so long as I have clean jeans and shirts and under... where? and my spouse does too, I don't care.

Which means I don't keep track of socks.

Where in the world did I acquire this knee-high beige-with-fancy-crochet-feels-like-100%- Egyptian cotton sock? Or this man's-size GI green wool-blend, or this beige heavy-duty rag-wool tube sock? This sock is pink and never in my life have I owned pink socks. No. One sock that appeared in my dryer all warm and clean had quite-comfy holes in the toe and heel and it was a very nice black and red argyle. I haven't worn argyle socks since high school when I cut off all my hair and wore boys' jeans and black boots and suspenders. This Nike sock does not match anything I own and I buy Champion athletic socks and whose it this? Because no way it is mine.

Yeah, mystery solved. Are you missing any socks?