At the Sacramento International (ha) Airport yesterday, when I was already late, I was "selected" for a security screening. I think it's because I rolled my eyes when they made the businessman in front of me go through the magic doorway twice even though he hadn't sounded any alarm the first time.

I had to take off my shoes, carry my bag and coat over to the "screening area" and stand with my arms outstretched. I protested, I said, "But my flight is boarding."
The drone with the magic wand told me I had to be screened before I could board.

I asked, "What happens if I miss my flight?"
"That's not my problem," she said.
I was really uncooperative. I hadn't slept well, and after 3 days of breathing valley air my head hurt and I had turned into the Incredible Snot Machine.

"Why me?" I demanded.
"You've been selected for a security screening." Bzzz bzz bzzzz.
"Why?"
"Hold your arms up and stand on the footprints"
"Who selected me for a security screening?"
Bzzzz "Stand on the footprints, ma'am."
"What happens if I miss my flight?"
"I can't help you with that. Please take a seat and I'll check your bag."

I sat legs and arms akimbo, staring at the ceiling. I SO wanted to blow a snot rocket at her.

It only took a few moments, and then I was able to run to my gate, catch my plane, and get the hell out of Dodge.

I commiserated with the nice older man sitting next to me on the flight to Portland. He looked at me and said, "You're maybe 5'3" and weigh 110 pounds. Do they think you're going to break down the door and commandeer the plane? That's like my last flight they pulled aside this old lady in a wheelchair and thoroughly checked out her and her wheelchair. They took this tiny half-inch-long commemorative knife away from me, like it could be considered a weapon. It's ridiculous. I understand why they shouldn't do racial profiling, but at least use some common sense."

As Mark Twain said, the thing about common sense is that it's not so common.
Snot.