We never made it out of town this weekend. Originally our plans were to go camping and hiking with another couple, but she said she just wanted to lie on the cool floor and not think for the weekend, after working two grueling weeks as reporter for a horrific local police rape trial. So instead we met them & our friends JJ & Tebone on Friday for a sushi party. We all got silly on sake & beer & plum wine, made faces, attempted to solve the problems of the world, and tried new things including the lychee fruit I bought, which some of us liked and others declared was like eating dried eyeballs.

Once the party had adjourned to the living and JJ brought out the scotch because she was intent on getting drunk, I found myself in the kitchen with her. Sometimes while talking to friends it is possible to know when they have something bothering them; their timing in speech is just a little off, because they have something else on their mind. But I never could have guessed the cause of JJ's distraction until she crumpled in my arms and we stood there, me holding her up and petting her long black hair while she shook from silent sobs.

The "he said she said" is of little importance at this point; the bottom line is Tebone doesn't believe in monogamy and she loves him madly but won't tolerate an open relationship. It came like a load of bricks when she was feeling happy and comfortable, and she said the "m" word, the big commitment word, just in passing. I do commend him for ending their relationship before pursuing other women, but I have never felt so much like walking into a room and landing a good hard punch on someone's nose in my life. If I had been drunk I probably would have knocked him down.

I do fault him for the unexpected manner in which he ended it, and I will say he won't ever do any better, not only because JJ is gorgeous and brilliant and sweet and kind, but because she loves him. But punching him won't make him love her. Besides, he's my friend, and he's not happy in his life, and I can't fault him for wanting to continue his search for happiness. Even if I think he has chosen the wrong direction. And broken the heart of my sweet girl friend in the process.

I don't know what brings happiness to a heart; that's one unsolvable riddle. I do know we all search for some one, some thing, some where, some how, and some way; if anyone finds all those things at the same time in one lifetime then they must be living in Paradise. But fate or chance aside, I prefer the philosophy that life is what you make it; if you cultivate a plant, it will blossom, and bear fruit.

If you find a person who loves you, then if you work at it and try to be kind and thoughtful and forgiving, you have a chance at that kind of shared happiness. It is comraderie at its sweetest; someone to share the joys and the burdens. The best you can do is have faith in that person, and hope you have a companion who will love you simply and honestly.

This doesn't always work; betrayal is as old as history.

Wounds hurt, no matter the size or depth, and some take years to heal. Healing depends on strength, on constitution, on how healthy a body is before the injury. I know JJ will recover from her pain, although right now she's just trying to remember how to breathe and eat and sleep. She'll have a new scar, a new layer of sentiment that will settle to sediment, another piece of patchwork on her soul, the proof that she is alive and that she is stronger. She deserves to love someone who loves her; it should be an equal situation, a match. And maybe some day Tebone will find what he's looking for. That's all anyone can hope for.

Love and life takes effort; sometimes unforseen circumstances take us for a wild ride. We may not have control of situations, but we do have control of how we deal with life. The devil is that we're conditioned to believe "work" is something we get paid to do, rather than something we do for love. Build it, tend it.

Nevertheless, let us cultivate our garden.